Last week, I had a field work in Sepang, which is 52km away from the capital. Elected as the assistant leader in the group, I was happy and sad at the same time. I am definitely sad over the burdens and responsibilities plus to meet people's expectation. And I am zero experience in this stuff. But I am happy along the way where I surprised myself.
Keeping in mind, that I am a perfectionist in some ways, I managed to lay back and loosen up. I admit that I couldn't hide the particular-me and easily-tensed over works etc, but I succeeded in putting them aside when needed. I became more lenient. I easily tolerated over all those small things that everyone was making fuss about. How I calmly delegate works and agreed with someone ideas. I can be stubborn quite sometimes, if you really know me. Hahaha...
But it didn't mean I played nonchalant and let everyone else did my job. I worked my ass as well; doing the reports, collecting information etc. But what I am trying to emphasize here is that, I have changed... and keep changing, for the better hopefully.
However, I am still the powerless or strictly 'listener' instead of 'doer'. I listened to people problems and their gripes, but I have done nothing to solve them. I just smile, give a few words of wisdom and hope... but not a solution. I am still, unable to actually help those who asked for help.
"Help is given to those who deserved it."
Alrite, that's not really the main reason for this current entry. This time, I wanna talk about, the cycle of life. I discussed about it with a friend of mine, a few days ago while I was in Sepang. We were supposedly discussing our presentation, but somehow we started having this conversation.
She said, she read about it from a book, about Hamka. Hamka was a renowned Ulama in the Nusantara. She said that, Hamka had undergone few phases in his life before he reached the level that we all known him for. She described it in term of her life. The pathways or cycles that she had went through.
She started from ignorant into holier-than thou phase; the phase where she aimed of becoming the best servant ever, that she thought she had understand religion as how it is supposed to. At that time, she felt that she was the best muslimah ever and she had to correct others. And I went the same path as she did. [p/s: we laughed hard for this... HAHAHAHA]
Then, she started to indulge into those philosophies stuff where she meet others' perspectives, that life was interpreted differently by different people. The virtue that she started to accept the "other truths" besides the doctrine of religion she knew before. She stated questioning every single things in religion and at that moment, she withdrawn herself from people. And I was like, same like me! We have so much in common. Things got even worse with her. She reached at one point, she started questioning God. That's the peak of it. Gradually, after that kinda haywire phase.... she matured.
After the phase she is currently in, there is another phase ahead of her. If she were able to get through it, then she would acquire the level achieved by Hamka. In this current phase, things that were not possible in the past, seemed acceptable. And you will become less rigid. You will less likely to cling to idealistic.
To relate to my life at this particular moment, I am in the phase where I withdrawn from my friends. Not that I stop talking to them out of the blue... I just like to do things on my own. I don't mind to eat alone, walk alone, and what so ever. Sometimes, I like to have companies... but if they refused, I don't take it personally. I just keep on with my life. ^_^
This is the new me. This is my metamorphosis. I am changing. For the better, hopefully.
Keeping in mind, that I am a perfectionist in some ways, I managed to lay back and loosen up. I admit that I couldn't hide the particular-me and easily-tensed over works etc, but I succeeded in putting them aside when needed. I became more lenient. I easily tolerated over all those small things that everyone was making fuss about. How I calmly delegate works and agreed with someone ideas. I can be stubborn quite sometimes, if you really know me. Hahaha...
But it didn't mean I played nonchalant and let everyone else did my job. I worked my ass as well; doing the reports, collecting information etc. But what I am trying to emphasize here is that, I have changed... and keep changing, for the better hopefully.
However, I am still the powerless or strictly 'listener' instead of 'doer'. I listened to people problems and their gripes, but I have done nothing to solve them. I just smile, give a few words of wisdom and hope... but not a solution. I am still, unable to actually help those who asked for help.
"Help is given to those who deserved it."
Alrite, that's not really the main reason for this current entry. This time, I wanna talk about, the cycle of life. I discussed about it with a friend of mine, a few days ago while I was in Sepang. We were supposedly discussing our presentation, but somehow we started having this conversation.
She said, she read about it from a book, about Hamka. Hamka was a renowned Ulama in the Nusantara. She said that, Hamka had undergone few phases in his life before he reached the level that we all known him for. She described it in term of her life. The pathways or cycles that she had went through.
She started from ignorant into holier-than thou phase; the phase where she aimed of becoming the best servant ever, that she thought she had understand religion as how it is supposed to. At that time, she felt that she was the best muslimah ever and she had to correct others. And I went the same path as she did. [p/s: we laughed hard for this... HAHAHAHA]
Then, she started to indulge into those philosophies stuff where she meet others' perspectives, that life was interpreted differently by different people. The virtue that she started to accept the "other truths" besides the doctrine of religion she knew before. She stated questioning every single things in religion and at that moment, she withdrawn herself from people. And I was like, same like me! We have so much in common. Things got even worse with her. She reached at one point, she started questioning God. That's the peak of it. Gradually, after that kinda haywire phase.... she matured.
After the phase she is currently in, there is another phase ahead of her. If she were able to get through it, then she would acquire the level achieved by Hamka. In this current phase, things that were not possible in the past, seemed acceptable. And you will become less rigid. You will less likely to cling to idealistic.
To relate to my life at this particular moment, I am in the phase where I withdrawn from my friends. Not that I stop talking to them out of the blue... I just like to do things on my own. I don't mind to eat alone, walk alone, and what so ever. Sometimes, I like to have companies... but if they refused, I don't take it personally. I just keep on with my life. ^_^
This is the new me. This is my metamorphosis. I am changing. For the better, hopefully.
